Loving when it Hurts

Jesus once said, “I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” (Luke 6:27-36)

I know that “love your enemies” is one of those basic, entry-level descriptions of what it means to be a Christian. But no matter how far I’ve progressed in my spiritual journey, this is one of those commands that still hurts to obey.

So I got to thinking, love hurts. Love is pain. But whenever you keep on loving, the end result is always good, and right, and true, and wholesome and beautiful, at least in the final analysis. So why is this the case?

Well, I think it all goes back to the Garden of Eden. When Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, sin and death entered the world, and as a result every good thing that was once easily obtained, can now only be achieved through pain and hardship. God said to Eve, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children.” (Genesis 3:16) And then he said to Adam, "Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground.” (Genesis 3:17-19)

The beauty of childbirth must be preceded by painful labor and delivery. To enjoy the fruit of the earth, one must first endure back-breaking labor. And so it is with love. To find true friendship, closeness, intimacy, forgiveness, reconciliation, and healing necessarily means that there will first be, that there must first be, pain. Hebrews 9:22 puts it like this: “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” If God himself, in all his infinite wisdom and power, couldn’t find a way to reconcile us to him, to draw us close to him, to truly demonstrate his love for us and enable us to love him, without first submitting himself the pain of death, then I suppose we should just expect that for us, too, the first step toward love, and each step deeper into love, starts with, is initiated by, a sacrificial offering of pain and hurt. Ouch.